The other day I was excited that my husband had gotten off work early and I would be able to drive (without kids) to pick up my five year old. I was happy to have some alone time and to be able to talk to him about his day.
I got to his school with a smile on my face only to be greeted with a frown, tears & a “go away”. Ok, not what I had envisioned, but I wasn’t giving up that easy. So I smiled and spoke calmly and gently when he told me how upset he was that I was there, and that he wanted to stay for project. I smiled and got down to his level to try and calm him, as he shooed me away and told me to “stop looking at him”. In the end he ended up crying & hiding under a desk. I walked to the door, and proceeded to wait there. His teacher, spoke with him, told him what he needed to do, and walked him to the door. Now up until this point, I was ok, we could talk in the car, and I thought, well everything will be fine. That’s when the teacher leaned down to him and said, “it is not ok for you to speak to your mother that way, she does many wonderful and caring things for you, you need to say to her once “don’t look at me” rather than hit, you need to show her respect” (Gulp)! By the time I got to the car there were tears in my eyes. Never had a temper-tantrum affected me so much and never had I felt such excruciating pain. I opened the car door in silence, I buckled my seat and waited for him to do the same. We drove in silence most the way home.
I did not realize until that moment, how deeply what he had said hurt, how deeply it went inside of me. I thought of the times when I was younger and talked back to my mom…and I cringed. Wow, I just didn’t know.
Forgive me mom, for any unkind words I may have said when growing up. Forgive me for shouting out things in anger, for saying insults under my breath all too often especially during those teenage years.
I am a mom now, and back then I just didn’t know.
I did not understand the depths of a mothers love that causes feelings deep within your bones, I did not understand how truly much a mother does, day after day, again and again with no fan fare, rarely a “thank you”, but because, well because of LOVE.
So thank you mom, thank you for everything. All the dresses you sewed me, all the meals you cooked and all the rides to and from places. Thank you for the scrimping and saving just so I could travel for a year to Ireland and so I could have some $ in my pocket when I got back. For helping me, even when I didn’t want to be helped, and for always, always loving me. When I turned 18, right before I graduated…I thanked you for not letting me quit swimming, for not letting me quit dance. I was so thankful because at a certain stage in my adolescence I would have quit EVERYTHING! But you didn’t let me, and that was good and I was grateful. So here I am, 20 + years later and I am saying it again. Though it may not be said often enough or clear enough, I appreciate YOU, and all that you DID, DO and continue to DO with me, for me my family and my children.
There is no denying the love you feel for your children, the desire for them to grow up comfortable, secure and feeling loved.
I know there will be more days like today, especially with two others close behind, and maybe I will have to develop a bit thicker skin. But I do know, no matter what may be said, I will always protect and love my children no matter what they may say. For that is what a mother does.
thank you “mum” for everything and then some.